Matthew 5:48

Respectable Sins and the Holiness of God



So here I am, probably neglecting earthly duties, and normal things I should be doing because my mind is held captive by the Word of God. I haven't figured out whether or not that's a sin, but I sure am thankful for the enjoyment I get out of the Word. May God help me find a balance... and thank God for Marie. A person couldn't ask for a better wife. She is so perfect for me, and I know that sounds cliche, but she is absolutely amazing. She brings solid ground to my life, and takes care of things I so often neglect. I had a little scare yesterday that reminded me of how much I love her. She was feeling light-headed and very sick with some other symptoms. She called the doctor, and they said, "go to the emergency room NOW!" They were very adamant. I got a call about 3:30, and Marie said, all matter-of-factly, "ummm, yeah. I need to go to the emergency room now, so... yeah, just in case you're wondering where I am..." and I was like "I'll meet you there!" On they way there, "not knowing whether God was going to use this as an opportunity to wake me up to something or what, I started thinking about how much she means to me. It was scary to imagine doing anything without her let alone go into ministry. I could go on for hours about how incredible she is, and what a tremendous blessing she is in my life, but just know I am very well taken care of, and God be praised I have a helper of her caliber.


So that was my adventure yesterday, but here is what I wanted to share. I re-read my post on Isaiah 1, and remembered how wonderful it was to study the Word of God. i still am insecure about my lack of Biblical knowledge, but I am quickly learning. I picked up a book yesterday at the emergency room (she's fine, btw. She just needs to follow up with the doctor this week, so prayers would be appreciated.) Marie had in her bag. The book was "respectable sins" by Jerry Bridges. WOW. That's all I can say. WOW. I would highly recommend this book to everyone. I'm through 6 chapters, and I already want to buy a case and start handing them out. I found his chapter on "the disappearance of sin" to be especially enlightening. I have been paralyzed with this understanding of God's holiness, and my sinfulness. It has struck me for some time now, and I wrestle with it constantly, even while people praise me for being such a good chap, I know the vileness of my own heart, and even my own attempts to cover it are sinful and deceiving. Christians deal with their internal sin different ways, but very few rarely confront it. He compares sin to cancer, saying if we allow the "respectable sins" to continue to cultivate in our hearts, it will spread into far worse things, and eventually kill us. (anyone thinking of James 1?) And I can attest for that. I can't understand how anyone can be a Christian, and try to convince themselves they're now good people. As a part an exercise in learning how to be more patient with people, I would strongly recommend concentrating more of your energy in dealing with the sin in your own heart. I know there is enough filth in my own heart to keep me from saying a single word to anyone I would consider the worst of sinners in any circle I am a part of.

Like I said in the post before, I have no other choice but to surrender to scripture my life and my heart, and I feel that is my place right now. For months, a fire burned in my belly about what I would say, if I could only gather a select group of individuals together, or if I could preach to my congregation, or preach open-air in front of hundreds... but there is a cancer in my heart I need to deal with, and I have learned that preaching and teaching opportunities for me will present themselves, or by the influence of the Holy Spirit, I only need to open my mouth and let God's Word speak through Scripture, but it certainly shouldn't be forced by my own desires, because my desires are deceitful and evil. The only way I know how to purify them is to allow the Word of God to purify my heart. I am convinced in my young and inexperienced mind that the death of a preacher (as far as his effectiveness) will occur when he stops focusing on the Word of God's changing power over his own heart, and starts focusing on how his words can change the hearts of those who hear him preach, biblical or not. God, let me always be humbled before Your mighty Word, and never forget who I am, and who You are.